When your daughter's first day of High School is in another country - March 10, 2021

We have been here for over two months and today my daughter really started school in England. She had gone in for a week after we first arrived, with the children of essential workers, only a handful of students from her class. Since then it has been online learning, secure in her room, no friend drama, and no awkward teen moments.

Year 8 has almost as many students as her entire previous school. She will be attending with students up to Year 13, she is in our equivalent of High School. I'd be lying if I said my Mum panic instincts didn't kick in thinking about this and reminiscing about my High School days. I was awkward, shy, nervous and lacking confidence. I see my child as confident, beautiful, capable and self aware, but she shares my anxiety. Her anxiousness about physically going to school has been ramping up since Boris announced the opening up plan for the UK several weeks ago. This week she's had upset stomachs, headaches and fretting behaviour. Mum guilt fills me for passing her this trait alongside excitement for this new adventure of hers.

Yesterday she had to go to school for a Covid test, happily notified it was negative. She was able to chat with one school mate and she came out smiling with her test tickled nose as her Dad and I waited on a bench in the park across the street. She joyfully yelled "Mum and Dad!", waving when she spotted us, now that she is 13 those moments don't happen as often and I beamed inside. She is going to be okay.

This morning she was an erratic teenager, putting on her uniform, double checking she had everything, Mum can you do my hair, new highlighters and notepads, remaking a sandwich as she absentmindedly put the one she made the night before in her backpack right after making it. Outside our flat, waiting on Dad to lock up, her and I had a moment where I felt compelled to share some moments of first day of high school wisdom. Since she was little I have sent her off to school with the mantra, 'Polite, Kind and Generous', today I added 'Be true to yourself and everything will be okay'. We all walked together, well at least until a block from the school, when she let us know that she had it from there. We hugged as she had an anxious moment and I watched her walk away until she looked back and I blew her a kiss. She looked small and independent at the same time.

I kept myself busy all day, her room got a thorough cleaning, her laundry done including bedding. I vacuumed, made homemade perogies, a treat we haven't had since we moved here. I painted with watercolours, watched a tv show, finished a book I have been listening to, packed my day with distractions. Being in her room and taking care of her without her being here made me feel close to her. I love going through the firsts with her, they may not be easy, but fortunately I have recently gained more self awareness, understanding and confidence in my parenting to handle them.

Part of going to school here means she now has a sim card in her cell phone, this is a big step for both of us. The hope is that she will be able to do things with friends after school and let us know where she is, as well as a feeling of security for her to contact us whenever she needs or wants to. As I was doing the days dishes my phone pinged, she let me know she was on her way home with stories, I couldn't wait. I sat by the window waiting for her, she beamed when she came in the door, full of stories and let me know her day was okay. My shoulders relaxed, we sat and talked, she recounted what she did that was polite, kind and generous and I believe she was true to herself. This may be one of those defining moments in her life and I'm so thankful to be here experiencing it with her.